gah.

It is hard to want what I want. I don't think I have any better words to explain it. It is just so hard to want what I want.

I am struggling with the person of Christ and His ability to relate to man. Yes, He was a man. But He was God in the flesh, too. I am struggling to know that He ever experienced a time where He was not in communication with God the Father. The Trinity is confusing and hard for me to begin wrapping my mind around. I know that He was on Earth and that He experienced many things that we feel the weight of every day. But did He ever know separation? Did he ever FEEL how it is to not know the depths of the Lord. Mark 15:34 might have answers, but I don't have the wisdom to dig them out.

I don't know that my questions are being answered, or if they are supposed to be. I'm pretty sure they're not. But I thank Kevin Cauley for publishing his questions so that I don't feel so crazy for asking them, too.

I pray that my heart can rest in the fact that because of Christ I never have to experience separation either.

http://www.the-churchofchrist.com/jesus_christ/did_god_turn_his_back_on_jesus.htm

Enough

I seem to be crying a lot lately. I started to write about the condition of my heart and how its in a good place right now. I feel generally loved and cared for. But I am still crying. My heart can't be well. My crap is heavy and my burdens are weighing me down. Why did it take me writing this to realize that? That sucks.