Get me out!

I haven't been this ready for an escape in a long time. Spring Break is agonizingly close. I can feel my body waiting for spring to be permanent, for the sunshine to be the normal, and for blue skies to be my everyday again. I need to get in my boat and paddle. I need to stop studying. And I need to escape.

As blasphemous as those needs may sound, they feel true. I am ready for spring break to be here. Two more days and two more tests to go, and then we can drive. The water awaits me and the Smokies are calling my name. I am just ready for time with my God and the friends He has so graciously provided me. No more books and emails or classes to go to. Just for a little while. Oh! how I am ready.

In Preparation

I am to live in waiting for the return of my Christ. My Savior. My wrath bearing Redeemer. He is returning, and I am to prepare for that day with great joy in longing for His arrival. His promises are real. To Him who was, and is, and is to come.

Warmth to my Soul

Its hard to pinpoint where I'm at in life right now. My world is still new and weird. This Ohio State life still doesn't feel real. I'm in between, on the verge, just about to, leaving, entering, starting and finishing so many things. There's nothing settled in my head, nothing known or normal. New friends, new places to live, and feeling like nothing about my year has been permanent makes everything seem shallow sometimes. I don't know how to fix the anxiety it brings me in any other way than to cast it upon the Lord. Every time I begin something new or put an end to something that didn't seem to have enough time to run its course I am reminded that friendship with the world is enmity with God. I cannot put down roots, I can't store up treasures, and I cannot settle down in this world.

Anxieties.

-I have signed the lease to live in the Baby Brick. I have already left my home to live in a dorm with a roommate, and I will soon leave that, too. Is that where I should be? Have I jumped the gun in making that choice for my home next year?

-I am going to lead Young Life. Is this the ministry the Lord has been preparing me for? Is it really what will bring the Lord most glory? Or is it just the only ministry I've ever seen done?

-I am dating this boy. Is this something I should be committed to here and now? Am I really getting more of Christ in this?

-Have I given these things over to the Lord in prayer often enough? When do I know when I have committed to any of these things to quickly? When do I know that they are right? How do I change them if they are wrong? Where is my hope?

I don't know the answers to these questions. I honestly don't. I will try to remember to put my confidence in the will of God, knowing that as I pursue His glory He will close doors to things that lead me to destruction.

Truths.

-"Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent." Revelation 3:19 I am being disciplined to follow. He is the way.

-"Therefore the Lord declares, the Lord of hosts, the Mighty One of Israel: 'Ah, I will get relief from my enemies and avenge myself on my foes. I will turn my hand against you and smelt away your dross as with lye and remove all your alloy. And I will restore your judges as at the first, and your counselors as at the beginning. Afterward you shall be called the city of righteousness, the faithful city.' " -Isaiah 1:24-26 It is the Lord who makes me into His faithful.

-"I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." -Psalm 16:2 He will not abandon my soul.

These Truths are peace to my soul, and nullify the need for answers to my questions. My anxieties are ripped away and I am brought to remember my Heavenly citizenship. This position of submission under devine authority is a safe place to lay and warmth to my soul.

To know my God

It is an unbelievable beauty to see the Lord's work. In my own heart, in the hearts of my friends, and in the hearts of my parents. Our God is insatiable for the spirit He has put in us (James 4:5) and it is so evident to me in the way I can see myself being transformed. I am undoubtedly a new creation in Christ Jesus.

"And we all with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." - 2 Corinthians 3:18

I read in an old journal some notations of mine on pieces of text I was fumbling through and can, in my head, see the wisdom the Lord has given me over their meanings. The foolishness of the gospel is being transformed into my saving hope, the glory of Christ. I now press on in hopes to see the same peace in the Word that I am currently fumbling through. I press on to know my God.

I read in an old journal of specific idols that I was blind to. In prayer I longed for them! In prayer I hoped for them! How blind! How foolish to ask my God to enslave my heart elsewhere! But I have a God who loves. I can now look back, see my idolatry and repent. I am no longer blind. Oh how good He is. I now press on in hopes to see and cast off all other works of darkness and put on the armor of light. I press on to know my God.

I read in an old journal of my prayer for the ones I love. My God has been faithful. I see prayers answered that I cannot even remember praying for. They are miraculous, yet I forget! Our God calls us to communion in prayer with Him through the death and resurrection of His Son. To be allowed to come before the Lord in this manner is gift in itself! But that He would be faithful in hearing us! To God be all glory! I now press on in prayer in hopes that I would see more and more of the work of Christ being done, and can be incapable of ignorance to his majesty. I press on to know my God.

I read in an old journal descriptions of the world I live in. This world is only temporary. I am called an elect exile according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and for sprinkling with His blood (1 Peter 1:1-2). To this Truth I hold fast that this world is not my home. My citizenship is Heavenly and my hope is eternal. Thanks be to God that I am called to be estranged. I press on in hopes to be the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing (2 Corinthians 2:15). I press on to know my God.

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

O what a foretaste of glory devine!

Heir of salvation, purchase of God,

Born of His Spirit, washed in his blood.

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior, all the day long;

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior, all the day long."