Overwhelm Me.

I have been laying on my deck contemplating my idols. Its a conversation I have with myself that frustrates me beyond belief. I hate recognizing my own sin. I understand that it is by God's love and His desire to lavish His perfection all over me that He calls out my sin from darkness into light, but I hate it. I feel dumb and foolish. It is a battle in which I hate to know loss. Yes, yes, Christ did not lose that battle and sin is no longer His master, but sometimes I fear that it is still mine. I obsess, I have secrets, I am starved for love. I am currently enslaved to these things and feel incapable of letting my freedom be my freedom instead of the nagging guilt it has become. I know that this is a temporary suffering, (temporary as in something I will struggle with until I leave this world that I am not a part of), of my heart that will show me my soul's need for the person of God and the redemptive powers of the gospel, but I still feel this way - aching pain. I still feel restless in my need to satisfy the stomach's of these idols and am exhausted from trying to keep up with their requirements.

I pray to be reminded of Your worth quickly. Continue to make a fool of me so that all I've got is mercy to lean on. Let me not be like the Pharisee in the temple, but like the tax collector who rests solely on the gift that is given and the grace and mercy that saves. Help me to know that I will always lose the battle but am saved by the One who paid my debt and fought and conquered in my place. Continue to frustrate me with my dissatisfaction until I come to know Your fullness. Call out my sin, refine my heart, and set my mind on the things of the Spirit - which is an obsession with the person of Christ.