Karen

I went shopping with my mom the other day. She has been working in Cincinnati for five weeks and has two more to go before she can come home. She has come back twice to visit for a day, but this weekend she was home for three days in a row.

So anyway, I was shopping with my mom at the department store in search of a new coat for her for the winter time. When I am not the one who is looking for something, shopping seems arduous and boring. I can't say that was true of this trip with mom though. I got to watch her pick out each jacket that had potentially, and see her face as she scanned it for flaws and imperfections. And then each time she found one that passed her first test, she handed it to me until my arms couldn't hold any more. Then we would drag ourselves over to one of those long mirrors they attach to the poles that hold up the ceiling. Those mirrors always let you think you will have enough room to squeeze in and take a full glance of your appearance, but they never quite have enough room.

Mom squeezed her way in front of the mirror and began to try on coats. It was an interesting thing for me to watch. She would put one on, adjust it a million times, shrug her shoulders, scrunch her nose, and muss her hair up. It just surprised me that she stills tries on clothes the same way that teenage girls do. I don't know why this is the first time I've ever noticed it. I guess I thought that that was an insecurity that everybody just eventually grew out of. I assumed that that was just a part of growing up. I hope that doesn't make me ignorant. But I just thought that someday that part of life would be different.

My mom is beautiful. She is beautiful because she is insecure, loving, thoughtful, and vulnerable with me. She takes my advice on silly things and gives me advice on more important things. God showed me that as I watched her in the mirror this weekend. My mom became real and awkward and cute to me this weekend. It was fun to see her be insecure and to get excited when we found things she loved.

My mom loves the Lord. And I get to see that in her face all the time. I thank You that You show me her beauty in her shyness and her strength in her words. I love her.

I Found Some Peace

Today I just want to read and be in the Word. I want to run and listen to Matt. I want to hear Truth and let it stay with me for a while. I have a need to be close today. It's just one of those days when I know what I need. I like these days.

Bobs

Bob Evans.
This is where I work.
This is where I serve.
I serve tables.
A lot of tables.
It blows my mind how plain it is for me to see that I am called there. Sometimes, like everybody else, it is hard for me to see where I am being led to spend my time. My plans and my desires always seem to cloud out any hints to where I am actually supposed to be. Bobs has proven to be different. It is clear that this is where I am supposed to be. I am called to love not only the people who come into Bobs, but mainly the people that work there.

One thing I love about working there is that I stay and close the store every time that I work. It's late for nights when I have school the next day, but it is the best way I can think of to talk to the people I work with. During the day we are running around making sure everything is going okay and food is getting out to tables; but when the restaurant is empty, we have no else but each other to keep ourselves company while we clean.

I see the Lord at Bob Evans Pickerington. I see Him when He gives me time with my co-workers after the doors are closed for the night, I see Him when my schedule for the week is full before it even starts, and I see Him in the friends I have that don't hate me for being at work all the time. He is showing me that He is the best.

He is Good.

Stuck.

I'm stuck but I feel fine. Is that okay?

Leave the Umbrella Behind

I just knew I was supposed to do it. I just knew it. So I did. I ran all around up and down my driveway in the storm. By myself. In the dark. For almost twenty minutes. I came in drenched from the rain, but so glad. And not the normal glad I was expecting. Not any silly feelings I expected. Harder ones. Better ones.

Tired of This Routine Passion

I think this might be the closest thing to where my heart is. Or better yet, these are the best words I can think of to explain it.

I want more. I have some. But I want more. I know it's there to have. All I know how to say about what I am feeling is that I want more. It seems that as I stand here looking for the 'more', I am slowly feeling less of what I already have. So that leaves me here in this middle, dry, tired ground. And I guess that means I am at the point where I will just look for Him to satisfy my 'more'. As I look, I will keep seeking His face and hoping not to forget too much of what I already have.

I need to be in the Word. A lot.
This is where my heart is.

Waiting to figure out where I am, while standing in the presence of Beauty

It's funny to me that I haven't written in this for so long. I have found myself looking at this page every weekend that I have been home this summer; yet no new posts seem to appear. My head has been somewhere else. I have seen God. This summer has been so full of His face. Sometimes in my life I get so caught up in thinking about how I am going to tell other people about seeing Him, that I get distracted from being in awe of the moment I have been given. I hate that. I hate that my desire to be seen as a person in love with God takes away from my love for God. This summer has been a beautiful break from that desire. I have been put in an environment where I have the freedom to take the moments as they come. My job doesn't leave much time to process my thoughts right away, but I know that once I am finally home, for good, He will provide plenty of time to do that.

My list of things to pray over and surrender to Him is long, and full of burdens. But my heart is still surrounded by the fullness of His goodness. I rejoice in the fact that He has chosen to bless me with pictures of His beauty this summer, but I am ready to be home and see what they mean for the way that I choose to love Him back. I am ready to know what imprint they have made on my image of His face.

I pray that I can never fathom His abundance of love for me. I pray that I will never know why He shows me the things that He does. I pray to be completely wrapped up in knowing Him. And I pray that I can be faithful in surrendering to Him the things I hold in my closed fist.