Taking care of Faithy

I don't know that broken-hearted is the correct way to describe the way I am feeling. I think it is the way I should be feeling right now, but it isn't. I feel overwhelmed by the Love of a just and mighty God. I asked some friends to preach the gospel to me tonight, because I knew it was what I needed to hear. A few were confused and asked questions, but a few others knew what I meant. They gave me straight Truth without the questions to preface it. Straight Biblical Love that can only come from the words of a God who "wants to fix me more than I want to be fixed." That's a quote from Sara Galbraith, who told me that Truth because she knows the Lord and because the Lord has given her the ability to care for me. For some reason, God has shown her how to care for me better than most will ever be able to. I don't know how to explain it; she just has a way of caring for me that comes from nowhere else other than the Lord.

I am thankful for friends who show me the Love of a big, real God who took the time to love us first.

^{1 JOHN 4: 16-19
16}And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ¹⁷In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹We love because he first loved us.

Can't Get it Out of my Head

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
TEACH ME some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer; 
hither by thy help I'm come; 
and I hope, by THY GOOD PLEASURE,
safely to arrive at home. 
Jesus sought me when a stranger, 
wandering from the fold of God; 
he, to rescue me from danger, 
interposed his precious blood. 

O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

---

Get it out

It is crazy to me how we can throw all of our hope and emotion onto a single person for a short period of time. It is never intentional. But it happens. A lot. Its something that I struggle with daily, something that brings me to tears, and something that I wish I knew how to direct. I wish I could just do it; just put my emotions and hope into the person of Jesus Christ. But most times that is seemingly impossible; Because once I've noticed that my emotions have strayed, I have already been let down. How crazy? If we think we have control of anything, you'd think it'd be our own hearts. But I find myself here again and again brokenhearted by the idols that bind me.

Get it out
Not just the ghost
The crap and garbage, too
The stuff that hurts
The feelings I hate
And the things that let me down
I don't want any part of them

Leave them in
Use them all
Use them all for Your Glory
Love me with them
Direct my eyes
Uplift my soul
Yes, leave them in.

Don't Get it Twisted

Eric Mason is my dude. He just says it. He tears apart his congregation and hits them in the face with Truth. And they love it. And I love it. I am hesitant to look up his picture because I like the image of this tall, God-fearing black man that I have when I listen to him speak. It makes me want to listen to him. You can tell that God has given him real wisdom. And you can tell that he loves to share it because his sermons are looong. But they are well worth my time to hear what the Lord is using him to say. And he calls his congregation "family". And he makes sure that the people listening to him on podcast know that he is not calling them family, but that his congregation, right there listening in front of him, that is his "family". I don't even care that I get left out, that's beautiful. Eric Mason is my dude.

gah.

It is hard to want what I want. I don't think I have any better words to explain it. It is just so hard to want what I want.

I am struggling with the person of Christ and His ability to relate to man. Yes, He was a man. But He was God in the flesh, too. I am struggling to know that He ever experienced a time where He was not in communication with God the Father. The Trinity is confusing and hard for me to begin wrapping my mind around. I know that He was on Earth and that He experienced many things that we feel the weight of every day. But did He ever know separation? Did he ever FEEL how it is to not know the depths of the Lord. Mark 15:34 might have answers, but I don't have the wisdom to dig them out.

I don't know that my questions are being answered, or if they are supposed to be. I'm pretty sure they're not. But I thank Kevin Cauley for publishing his questions so that I don't feel so crazy for asking them, too.

I pray that my heart can rest in the fact that because of Christ I never have to experience separation either.

http://www.the-churchofchrist.com/jesus_christ/did_god_turn_his_back_on_jesus.htm

Enough

I seem to be crying a lot lately. I started to write about the condition of my heart and how its in a good place right now. I feel generally loved and cared for. But I am still crying. My heart can't be well. My crap is heavy and my burdens are weighing me down. Why did it take me writing this to realize that? That sucks.