Don't Get it Twisted

Eric Mason is my dude. He just says it. He tears apart his congregation and hits them in the face with Truth. And they love it. And I love it. I am hesitant to look up his picture because I like the image of this tall, God-fearing black man that I have when I listen to him speak. It makes me want to listen to him. You can tell that God has given him real wisdom. And you can tell that he loves to share it because his sermons are looong. But they are well worth my time to hear what the Lord is using him to say. And he calls his congregation "family". And he makes sure that the people listening to him on podcast know that he is not calling them family, but that his congregation, right there listening in front of him, that is his "family". I don't even care that I get left out, that's beautiful. Eric Mason is my dude.

gah.

It is hard to want what I want. I don't think I have any better words to explain it. It is just so hard to want what I want.

I am struggling with the person of Christ and His ability to relate to man. Yes, He was a man. But He was God in the flesh, too. I am struggling to know that He ever experienced a time where He was not in communication with God the Father. The Trinity is confusing and hard for me to begin wrapping my mind around. I know that He was on Earth and that He experienced many things that we feel the weight of every day. But did He ever know separation? Did he ever FEEL how it is to not know the depths of the Lord. Mark 15:34 might have answers, but I don't have the wisdom to dig them out.

I don't know that my questions are being answered, or if they are supposed to be. I'm pretty sure they're not. But I thank Kevin Cauley for publishing his questions so that I don't feel so crazy for asking them, too.

I pray that my heart can rest in the fact that because of Christ I never have to experience separation either.

http://www.the-churchofchrist.com/jesus_christ/did_god_turn_his_back_on_jesus.htm

Enough

I seem to be crying a lot lately. I started to write about the condition of my heart and how its in a good place right now. I feel generally loved and cared for. But I am still crying. My heart can't be well. My crap is heavy and my burdens are weighing me down. Why did it take me writing this to realize that? That sucks.

Again and Again and Again

I am being healed. Gently refined. I am being taken back to places I would never ask to go. Places that have taken my breath from me. Left me standing in the presence of my memories of brokenness that dwell there. It is nothing but pure. Pure what I'm not sure. But there is something so perfect about being taking back to the places you never want to remember. It is in those places that you can see yourself. I can see how the Lord has called me from there. How He has stolen my attention for Himself and directed my eyes back to His perfection.And how he has changed the desires of my flesh. I see how Romans 8:7 is Truth. And how I no longer relate to the man in Mark 10:22. I desire to be constantly reminded of this Truth because I know I will forget . I want to be healed in this way again and again and again. This breaking and refining seems to be addictive to my soul. Its hard on me to remember my burdens, but if it is how I get more of Christ, then I want it. And it is. Healing. That is that is being done to my wounds. Softening. That is what is being to done to the hard places I hate to go. Bring me to where I see you. Feed my addiction of seeing Your face again and again and again.

IF IT GETS ME MORE OF YOU, THEN I WANT IT.

And Go Streetwalkin', Streetwalkin' Baby

To someone who has become one of my best friends:

I miss you, Han.  

Just a Glimpse of the Love the Lord is Pouring Out On Me

This is a list of things that have made me smile in the past couple weeks:

• Seeing Brittany Layton early in the morning on a Saturday
• Getting accepted to OSU
• Seeing Kendel Kellogg know the Lord and love her friends
• Every picture message I get from Hannah Smith
• The smell of winter
• My leaders cramming into a booth to visit me at Bob Evans
• Everything about the Lord letting me be a part of Katie Rini's life
• Being brought back to Mark 10:22 often and being continuously healed
• The Lord's desire to be a part of my life
• The feeling I get when I'm sitting on the floor with my laptop at stare up at the top of the Christmas tree
• Reading old blogspot posts

He is showing me His Love. I can't ask for more. I pray that this winter will be a strong one for the Lord and I. Winter is always my hardest season. I pray that He will draw me close and that I would draw near.