It's Not August

Its not August anymore. That's for sure. In August my life looked different. So very different. My friends, my living situation, my view of the Lord, my need for the cross, and the authority in my life are all so different then before. My life looks nothing like August.

I am finding that the next step is always better. Not that I should be discontent with the step I am in now, or that I should not live where I'm at, its just a longing for more of what I know the Lord holds in store for me. I have seen how much the Lord has grown me up since leaving my August world. That is why I know the next step is better. And I long to be there. "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another."- 2Corinthians 3:18. This is a promise I am seeing. I am watching Him transform the world around me and I am watching Him sanctify my head and heart. I cannot wait to see the nest degree of glory that he has prepared. He is supplying every need of mine according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. How lucky I am to serve a God who is faithful. How blessed I am that He allows me to be a part of the congregation that will praise His name for eternity. It is November.

It's August

Falling short. I Am Redeemed.
Feeling weight. I Am Redeemed.
Forgetting Redemption. I Am Redeemed.

Corduroy Coat

My friend Hannah did something like this on her blog last january that I absolutely loved. She took lyrics from counting crows songs and smashed them together into one giant poem. Its nast - (check it out if you know her). These are lyrics from different songs on my newest summer mix...the rhythms stuck in my head on the daily...

Lately life's been the same I find this comfortable place
with all my friends
And this old corduroy coat is not keeping me dry
But I don't know what else to try
When there really ain't nothing wrong
But I still can't do most of the things I should
And I got no excuse
And is that alright?
I just want to be okay today
I just want to know something today
And we are so fragile
I got secrets from you
You got secrets from me
Because you're so worried about what I'm gonna think
Baby, I'm worried, too
And I'd try to help you walk along but I'd probably end up pushing you over
And I'll make you feel like I never wanted to make you feel
Our treachery is love, dear
We got attracted like bees coming to the hive
So why do I get so lonely?
Cause there's too many things
It's a pale parade of passing clouds
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I put a trash can by the road
And filled it up just to lighten my load
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know something today

This is a brand new day
I found a pearl in the snow
Those days of soda and pretzels and beer
I found the sunshine at the end of the day
Tall glass of milk and cookies
There you were in a black dress
You threw flowers in the air this night
I'll spend the rest of my days bringing victory in
If you want me to
O Love that wilt not let me go
I rest my weary soul in Thee
I give Thee back the life I owe
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer fuller be.

Overwhelm Me.

I have been laying on my deck contemplating my idols. Its a conversation I have with myself that frustrates me beyond belief. I hate recognizing my own sin. I understand that it is by God's love and His desire to lavish His perfection all over me that He calls out my sin from darkness into light, but I hate it. I feel dumb and foolish. It is a battle in which I hate to know loss. Yes, yes, Christ did not lose that battle and sin is no longer His master, but sometimes I fear that it is still mine. I obsess, I have secrets, I am starved for love. I am currently enslaved to these things and feel incapable of letting my freedom be my freedom instead of the nagging guilt it has become. I know that this is a temporary suffering, (temporary as in something I will struggle with until I leave this world that I am not a part of), of my heart that will show me my soul's need for the person of God and the redemptive powers of the gospel, but I still feel this way - aching pain. I still feel restless in my need to satisfy the stomach's of these idols and am exhausted from trying to keep up with their requirements.

I pray to be reminded of Your worth quickly. Continue to make a fool of me so that all I've got is mercy to lean on. Let me not be like the Pharisee in the temple, but like the tax collector who rests solely on the gift that is given and the grace and mercy that saves. Help me to know that I will always lose the battle but am saved by the One who paid my debt and fought and conquered in my place. Continue to frustrate me with my dissatisfaction until I come to know Your fullness. Call out my sin, refine my heart, and set my mind on the things of the Spirit - which is an obsession with the person of Christ.

A mixture i can't figure out

I can't help but know that the cross is big enough for my sin on days like today. Days where I feel defeat. Days where I am knowingly overcome by my sin and am enslaved to it. I rest in the fact that a life of obedience is a crawl. I am bound to failure and defeat. There will be days where I can see sanctification at work in myself as I am refined, and those days will be great. But there will be even more days like today where I see the cross covering me and shielding me. Today I have felt helpless and weak. Feelings I should embrace more often. I am angry that I am so incapable of doing anything righteous or good on my own. But how thankful I am to have no hope in myself. Its a confusing mix of helplessness and hope, of frustration and thankfulness. Its days like today that my head hurts because it doesn't know what to feel. To be overcome by my sin and my salvation all at once is exhausting.

big changes happening soon =]

Fresh.

Tonight feels fresh. I am tired from work and am in need of sleep, but, regardless, I can't help but feeling new. I feel clean and fresh and new. Those are the only words I have.

I want to be about Romans 6.